The blank space above represents the lack of words that can describe the heartbreak of having a miscarriage.
Everyone experiences things differently, so what feels right or helpful to one person may not to someone else, and what feels right or helpful today may not tomorrow.
In my experience after having two miscarriages, these are some things that might help:
Let yourself feel
Let yourself feel how you feel. After our first miscarriage, I said these words over and over because there is a lot to feel and it comes in waves, as grief does. Letting yourself feel what you feel can be helpful.
Talk to someone
Talk to someone about how you feel. Hopefully loved ones are supportive.
If relevant, share your feelings with your partner. You’re going through this together.
One thing that might come up: sometimes people don’t know what to say or whether you want them to say anything at all. It may be helpful (to you and to them) for you to share what you want.
For example, I remember saying that I don’t want it to be like our angel baby never existed, that I want to talk about our angel baby. Knowing or sensing this, some of our loved ones gave us special mementos and reached out to us.
Connect with others online
If talking doesn’t feel right, it can help to read about other parents’ experiences online or to talk to other parents on online forums.
I found this to be so helpful when I had a missed miscarriage and wasn’t sure whether to get a D&C or wait for a natural miscarriage. It felt like almost every person I spoke to around my age had had a miscarriage, which is heartbreaking.
Write
Write about how you feel, or write to your angel baby.
Take care of yourself
Take time for yourself. Take care of yourself. Pamper yourself.
For me, it felt so helpful to take care of myself by making heathy choices (eating well and doing yoga) and reading books about how to take care of you and your baby during pregnancy. Doing things like that made me feel good because I knew I was doing something helpful for our next baby and it made me feel closer to when our future baby would arrive.
I also found it helpful to look online for free pregnancy meditation videos online. This can really help soothe any anxiety you’re experiencing and help you feel create a feel-good, healthy environment for you and baby.
Create a comforting mantra
Consider creating a mantra. The right words can bring you comfort and strength. Repeating a mantra can enable you to summon that comfort and strength any time you need it.
Repeat coping techniques as needed
Repeat any or all of the above as often as you need. Grief comes in waves ❤️
If you know someone who has experienced a miscarriage (that includes Dad), sometimes the best thing can simply be to let them know you're there for them and to ask how you can offer support. As mentioned above, sometimes what feels right or helpful to one person may not to someone else, and what feels right or helpful today may not tomorrow.
If you’d like, you're welcome to share suggestions for coping below.
One of the things that really helps with coping: community. You're not alone ❤️